Lately, I've been suffering with many setbacks in myself and even in my family. I've been facing with a lot of challenges and most especially, I don't even appreciate these problems and the blessings. I even blamed HIM for causing it to me but I don't realized that He is preparing me to be strong for a more difficult challenges in the future. He don't even answered my prayer for whatever reason he might have- maybe I'm still lacking and I need more time to get ready. At some point in my life, I'm always looking for someone to blame to. Not even realizing that all these things happened for a reason and I'll just found out after I reach Him out yesterday.
I've been sick these past few weeks and I've been suffering these whole time. My family are away from me so I have to stand alone cause I don't have any one to lean on and I have to cry silently because that's my only option. I cried all night, hoping to get the answer from you but I'm even puzzled for giving me such difficult events and it hurdles my self being. I don't even remember who I really am. At this age that almost a lot of people I knew have their own life and timeline. But when it comes to me, I feel like I don't even take a steps forward. I know it's not good to compare myself and my life to others but what can I do. I set a possible plan, but the plan I'm thinking is not even on the level of life that I am in. I said when I reach 30, I will be getting my dream job, my dream house, dream workplace and my dream life, even getting a life such as building my own family and having a peaceful life. That is most people do nowadays. But I almost turning 32 this year and I haven't done anything like those plans.
I'm still struggled getting a new life career because I believed that getting to my dream workplace leads me to be a better person. I'm building a high wall on my comfort zone that I can't see the real meaning of life. I believe if I choose to take a risk- it's either won or failed but atleast there is no loser in this life path. When you succeed, you won. When you failed, you learn. And time has been moved on. It's not the end of the world when you failed. Life starts when you try something new. Changes is constantly moving our life and there is no permanent problems and hardship. All may past in God's timing. Just leave all our worries to Him and let's lead our life with His guidance and I think that's what is important.
Let me go back to storytelling. I've been looking for an opportunities to get a new career. I just started preparing for a very long time. But this year,I started taking a new steps. I started sending hundreds of application requirements and still in the progress of preparing other documents. But the sad thing is even once I can't have a good returned feedback. Then a week ago, I received a good news, it a job invitation telling me that I can contact them if I'm still willing to apply for the role. But I suddenly got scared and surprised because I've been wanting this for such a long time. I've waited half a year and when this opportunities came, I passed it down because I even trying to reach out on myself and determine how do I deal with it. Sadly, I don't even handled it properly because I'm afraid I will become foolish when answering TMthe questions in the interview, I'm afraid I can't even review my answer and I even questioned my own abilities and knowledge. I'm still asking myself, do I worthy of Your grace. That time I realized, I don't have a clear intention and all these thinga happened because He is preparing me to be a strong person, to handle every challenge given to me. If I'm still want to be successful in my reaching my dreams. I have to face all these challenges as these are your prime motivator to move on with my life. And no one can take care of our life unless you - yourself. He is the prime mover of chances and we are the doer. Have trust on Him cause He will set you back to your best self.
